Pencil Skirts: Hate 'em or Love 'em by Dr. J

I cannot say that I love pencil skirts; it is widely documented on the Internet that I think pencil skirts are the most deceptive articles of clothing that women wear.  However, they are very versatile and can be worn in various different venues, so I’ll have to accept that there will be some pencil skirts around me … everyday.  A pencil skirt is a great tool, that I will admit.  It’s perfect for going out, or going to work, however, probably not the most comfortable clothing for home.

I’m not concerned with when I’m going out on the town, I’m probably not going to get fooled by too many pencil skirts.  There’s going to be some authentic pencil skirt wearers in there, so a girl looking to trick a guy into thinking she’s got super long legs and a fatty are slim.  Let it be known that a woman should use her pencil skirt as an accent, but not as a concealer.

My main issue with pencil skirts is men are not fashionistas; we’re just not going to be able to catch every trick that a woman tries to pull on us, we’ll need help.  A good pencil skirt makes your body look longer, makes your butt looked bigger, and it even makes your posture seem proper.  The majority of men are getting fooled by women who are wearing their pencil skirt to work.  Personally, there have been many mornings when I’ve been on the train and I look up and see a woman in a pencil skirt and say to myself, “Wow, for how skinny she is, she’s got a nice shape down there.”  After I examine the scene some more I realize that she’s actually really skinny, but she’s wearing a pencil skirt.  Same can happen with a girl who is a little overweight, because the pencil skirt brings your legs together and pushes everything into one place, it may look like she’s got an hour glass figure.  In reality, when she takes off that pencil skirt, it-all-falls-down.  #ohhboy.

How does a man become a fashionista?  Attention to detail.  In my opinion, I’ve become quite good at spotting those people who are using their pencil skirt as a crutch, by examining the oft times not gazed upon features of the dress.  Here are a few areas to take note of:

(1)   If she wants the skirt to make her butt to appear larger and more shapely she’s going to have to tuck her shirt in.  It’s also going to have a high waist to push the top down and the bottom up.  Therefore, her stomach should be covered by the skirt; look in this region to see if she’s packing a few extra pounds than expected, if so, that skirt is doing the most.

(2)   The pencil skirt is going to bring her legs together and make it hard for her to take long strides, take a look at the motion of her legs under the skirt, if it looks like there’s a lot going on, (or you can hear her tights scrunching together), chances are that pencil skirt is doing the most.

(3)   Lastly, if a chick is packing a fatty, she’s got to have legs to hold it up.  Chicken legs producing a fatty, are usually the absolute exception and happen rarely.  It’s just genetically impossible, a woman holding weight back there will have some leg muscles.  If you look at her legs and they are bone thin, that skirt is doing the most.

With all that said, I have seen pencil skirts look awesome on the right body.  I’ve been fooled by a pencil skirt and grown to despise the woman and I don’t even know if she’s a nice girl or not.  I think the best way to wear a pencil skirt is to let it work within its limits.  Make sure it fits, make sure it reaches just above your knees, and doesn’t have any extra contouring elastic.  This will ensure a natural look that even if your body isn’t perfect, it accentuates your best features perfectly.  I personally don’t like the pencil skirt in the club, it doesn’t make sense, it’s not a cocktail dress and you cannot dance in it.  (Not for nothing, if you have your going out heels on, you’re asking for trouble, you can barely walk in the heels, let alone the skirt.)  I like a pencil skirt in a professional setting in a conservative color: black, blue or khaki, not red.  As much as I hate pencil skirts, I actually like them, I just hate being a sucker for fashion.